the incredible machine
danny gokey opened the concert and i have to say this about danny gokey: he can sing. i’ll give him that. but that’s it. he started spouting off about church and when no one (surprisingly) in the audience gave a damn he said that he hated going to church. then we were trying to predict when he’d bring up the his dead wife but even when he asked the audience “have you ever had something really bad happen?”, he didn’t mention her. instead he talked about the flooding in nashville, which, yes, is bad and all, but it ain’t katrina and i thought for sure he was going to say “well, that ain’t nothing compared to my dead wife”. then he told us to get out our cell phones to text blah blah number to whatever to donate money to provide nashville with some bounty quicker picker uppers so they can mop of the grand ol opry (which i’ve actually been to).
when he did this i heard the lesbians murmur next to us “seriously?”
ah. the lesbians next to us. it never fails that whenever mikey and i think we are going to the least gay friendly event (i.e. a country music concert), somehow we get sat next to lesbians. they were very nice. they shared their snacks with us. made snide comments about danny gokey under their breath. and one of them had two toes. two. toes. on one foot. two toes. the pinky toe and the one next to that. thats it. she had mannequin like prosthetic toes to complete the foot, but they were this ungodly yellow and she wore sandals, and i swear the two live toes were staring at me.
after danny gokey finished his last song, jake owen came out. now, jake owen looks like a combination of me in 1996 and the george michael look-a-like from Color Me Badd (“I wanna sex you up”). i have no idea about him or the music other than he looked like the gayest cowboy you’ve ever seen up there on stage prancing around. gayer than toby keith even. anyway, he made sure to assert his heterosexuality by singing a song with these lyrics:
“i love women,
they turn me on,
red heads, brunettes and blondes,
they got it goin’ on”
i’m pretty sure i made a more convincing argument regarding my heterosexuality singing songs from Grease 2 with my sister.
so sugarland. fantastic. jennifer nettles is the celine dion of country music. they played most of their hits (they did leave out several of their popular ballads–perhaps because they wanted to keep the show upbeat?) and she sounded AMAZING. they played three or four songs from their upcoming album called The Incredible Machine, and i’m really excited about those because they seem a little less country and a bit more rock n’ roll. they played for about 90 minutes which is more than enough and i don’t have any complaints save for the lack of some of my favorite ballads…and the fact that the concert ended rather abruptly. they did an encore, but it still seemed like they ended really quickly. like maybe something bad happened and they had to wrap shit up real quick like. i think it took everyone by surprise…especially since they didn’t do some of their biggest hits.
one of the things i LOVE about jennifer nettles is that she has a wicked sense of humor and great stage presence. during their song ‘everyday america’, during the breakdown, she’ll often mix in a melody of random songs. i’ve seen versions where she’s gone into Holiday, Irreplaceable, Best of my Love and Hot in Here. This time she did Single Ladies, a song by the jackson five, Party in the USA and another random rap song. later, she did an impromptu version of Telephone by lady gaga!
Leave a Reply