i can make you cry
girl at bar: what can you make me with vodka?
possible answers that i thought up but didn’t share:
-get the fuck out of here
-are you fucking kidding me?
-i can make you wish you never asked me that stupid question
-i can make you cry
-dumber than you apparently already are
what i did say: a vodka cranberry
while in new york, it is always my goal to try to score a free drink. it has never worked. no matter how generously i tip, i somehow always have to pay for my drinks. and that’s fine, but like, really, not even one? oh well. so imagine my surprise when, on a much needed break from the homo watering holes we were hopping to, i made an announcement that i would buy the four of us shots at a divey looking straighty bar across the street called…wait for it…The Snug. what in the holy hell?…anyway, there were three people in there and it smelled of bar rot unlike anything i have ever experienced. so we go in and i ask the bartendress:
“i need four shots. can you make us something fun? (pause) and i’m a bartender so i should know how fucking annoying that question is, so i apologize. just four shots of Gran Marnier please!”
two of them were free! whoooop whoop! yay! so of course i tipped generously. so she could have comped the shots because i said i was a bartender, but most bartenders wouldn’t do that just because a customer says it. that’s like saying “i’m friends with the owner” to score a free drink. it’s always best to reply to that with “then he will certainly appreciate your business and i will tell him you came by” (p.s. i have to say that A LOT) OR she thought i was cute. OR she liked my sense of humor. OR she has a certain amount of comps she’s allowed to give away and it didn’t look like there would be enough traffic coming through to use them on anyone special so she decided to treat the four gay dudes who walked in. i don’t know. but, cheers, thanks a lot!
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