weekend update
so thank god we didn’t actually go to that gay hipster thing because honestly, i would have cut out my eyes while counting all the songs i’d never heard before and while also counting the ones from ipod commercials that they apparently play a lot. seriously, if i wanted to pay ten dollars to get in somewhere and then hate it immediately upon breathing the air inside the door, i’d go to town. at least downstairs they’d have music that i would know.
instead, we wandered over to nellie’s for some beers and such and i got put in my place by some freshmen gaybies and it went like this:
freshmen: blah blah blah fraternity at UVA…
me: oh, i went to William and Mary, i don’t think we had that frat.
freshmen: when did you graduate?
me: 1999
freshmen: OHHHH! we graduated in 2007
but not like, “oh-i-dont-really-care-i’m-just-making-conversation” kind of oh. it was like OH-FUCKING-SHIT. it was the kind of “oh” that you might say when you watch two cars crash into each other at high speeds. it was the kind of “oh” that you might say on a close call during a sporting event.
thanks, freshmen. maybe they sounded so surprised because i look younger than i am? or maybe they were about to play that “do you know so and so” game and then when they realized that i would not, they were taken aback by this realization.
anyway.
sunday super bowl get together at kai and scotti’s and some people were there and we had chili (no beans for me please) and lots of homemade punch (stronger than any of us thought) and sort of watched the game but also watched Wipeout and The Puppy Bowl.
so…
when three people get in an elevator after leaving said get together, and one says ” you know, i don’t really like that guy _______”. and the other two, breathing sighs of relief, say “i was just about to say that” in unison…it’s only proper that i now talk about _________ negatively.
because, let’s be honest, if three people get in an elevator and the above conversation takes place, then yes, you might have a slight form of social retardation and not even know it.
this person managed to name drop while talking about that hipster gay shit i had no desire to go to (he was there–there’s reason number one that elevator conversation took place):
_________: it’s like a cross between Taint and Mixedtape.
me: what’s mixedtape? (i have at least heard of/gone to Taint even though it’s one spark away from a fire-y death trap)
_________: oh ________ (insert random first name) and ________ (insert second random first name) throw this party….(and then i completely lost interest)
because someone with more manners and less pretense might have said “oh, well, do you know so and so?” to which i would have said “no i don’t know them” and then he could be like, “oh well, they are friends of mine who….”
because in my head, as soon as he dropped those two random names, i’m like, well, who the fuck is that?
this person also managed to ivy-league drop, as in:
__________: i used to sing in an a cappella group at __________ (insert ivy league school here).
jesus. collegiate level a cappella groups. can we possibly get more douchey? reason number two why the elevator conversation took place. and most normal people would say something like “when i was in college…” or “…at school.”
this person also managed to lounge-drop, as in:
__________: it’s a speakeasy, you have to knock on this door and it’s just a door next to ________ and unless you know it’s there, you won’t know how to get in. they make the best cocktails.
shoot me. shoot me now.
maybe some fantasia will make me feel better.
this bitch does not get the credit she deserves. i love her.
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