the end of the road
well, here we are now at the very last vacation recap. while i have enjoyed reliving it, it’s time to move on. so i guess after i almost threw up on the Tower of Terror, i think that was the night that we sat at the hotel bar…
…and watch as asian girl kind of started hooking up with creepy alone guy, meanwhile down at the other end of the bar, what i thought was a whack-wig-wearin’ tranny ordered some dinner and more than one glass of champagne. i did not, unfortunately, get a picture of this fancy lady. but after three or four jack and cokes, i’m not sure, we grabbed a couple bottles of beer and headed out to our 24 hour pool where mikey became obsessed with watching the flamingos and i kept an eye on other creepy alone guy (jeff–that’s what the kids called him) playing with young boys in the pool. i don’t know where there mothers were! i mean, it was like one in the morning and these three boys are in the pool playing with other creepy alone guy (jeff)…i mean, they were probably in their room watching an oprah rerun about online predators…not even thinking about the dangers of underwater predators. oprah should do a special on that.
speaking of underwater, the next morning we headed out to Typhoon Lagoon. and once in Typhoon Lagoon we noticed one thing immediately…while wading into their giant wave pool, i turn to mikey and said, “do you know what’s missing from this picture?”
and in unison:”black people”. as some of you have seen, i once referred to the wave pool at Kings Dominion as the “weave” pool. but seriously, y’all, there were no black people. i’m not sure there was any reason as i’m pretty sure we saw at least one or two at the other parks. but oh well. the great thing about going to Typhoon Lagoon after Labor Day is that there were NO lines so we could go on many slides over and over again. i also, and unfortunately i did not bring my camera with me, i got to go snorkling in a freezing cold salt water tank with sharks! i’d never been snorkling before and even though breathing through that tube is kind of weird as i’m not necessarily a mouth breather, it was one of the coolest things i’ve ever done. even though, to be honest, my mask kind of fogged up so i couldn’t see too much, but i did see three or four sharks swim below me (eeks!).
i did get this beefcake shot (edited to cut mikey out as he thought he was too pale).
i told you you’d see this pose again. who looks like a wrestler? me me me
that night, mikey and i decided to go back to the magic kingdom to see the fireworks display (called “Wishes”) over the castle. we dry off, hop on the bus back to the hotel, get to the magic kingdom where we catch up on some rides we didn’t get to go one earlier like It’s a Small World (mikey’s choice), Peter Pan’s Magic Flight (mikey’s choice), Snow Whites Scary Ride (ahem…) and then the Jungle Cruise ride thing which was actually pretty fun.
we thought this was Donald until he refused to sign autographs.
i do have to say that those fireworks people over there at disney do an awesome job. there was music and voice overs and it was unlike anything i have seen except…er…not as good as the Beijing olympics obvi. i picked my favorite photo from about a million that i took because it looks like a warzone.
hm. i guess that about ends our time at disney…so the next day we drove up to Hilton Head Island because after our busy five days at disney i really wanted to just sit on the beach and relax before the longer drive home. except that didn’t happen thank you very much Hannah. well, it sort of did. so our first day there, it was bright and sunny and we had margaritas by the pool and went down to The Salty Dog for dinner and more drinks.
the next day…well, that’s when the rains came. well, not at first actually as it was really just a bit cloudy so we went out to get lunch and supplies for that night since we’d most likely be holed up in our hotel room and since i had spotted a putt putt course the day before, i wanted to get in a round or two. ok, so you know how at the beginning of each hole, there’s usually like a sign post indicating which hole it is…? well, uh…
yes. this was a yay jesus golf course. i supose it is the south afterall…but still. these passages had nothing to do with the holes. i thought maybe there were secret clues hidden in each passage but oh no, that’s just a trick to get you to read them. AND the course was like fuckin’ impossible! according to the rules, there was a five stroke limit, but some of these holes were like par 4! fuck you jesus and your golf course!
that night we got just a little rain and wind which was fine because i wanted to watch some of the US open tennis tournament while mikey caressed and cooed over his ifriend.
and then we got cabin fever so we decided to go down to the hotel lounge XO (advertised as Hilton Head’s only cosmopolitan lounge–ooh la la) and it actually was pretty nice, just renovated and filled with real prostitutes in hannah montanna wigs (see below)
i know you might think it is, but it’s actually not one of the prostitutes.
anyway, these whores were entertaining us by groping on gross old men and dancing to the live music provided by The Smith Brothers or something like that, i didn’t really care who they were.
the next morning, the sun was out, the waves calm and i got to at least go for an early morning stroll on the beach.
8 hours of driving later, our journey comes to and end at home where i did laundry for four days.
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