pipe dream
so i think this is the first post i’ve done on this new site where i’m a wee bit buzzed. but so, this is what happened tonight and i came really close to death.
so, first things first, i have to explain that there is this…well, okay. so wait. okay, so there’s this breezeway behind the bar, well, not behind the bar, but behind our back room that separates the back room from the walk in (where we keep beer and such) that has this pipe. and said pipe is…oh, about urinal high…so since it’s awkward for the staff to use the bar bathrooms during business hours, most of us use the pipe in the back. which is why we call it the “piss pipe”. now, no one really knows where this pipe leads…perhaps to your drinking water…but we don’t know for sure and so we use it to avoid mingling with the patrons. because who would want that?
and i’m using the piss pipe this evening at about, say, one in the morning because i don’t want to go upstairs and have to use the bathroom. and i’m doing my business when i notice something moving on the wall, next to the pipe, very near, in fact, to my nether region which is fully exposed and vulnerable. at first i thought it was perhaps a bit of trash since my staff dumps trash in the same breezeway as the piss pipe, but then i see it move and i think, holy shit, a spider! but oh no ma’am…not a spider. it’s a wasp.
flashback to little ol’ me, age five. i’m deathly allergic to wasps, hornets and yellowjackets. when i was five, i got stung on my wee little five year old finger and my head swelled to twice it’s size. some say it has not gone down. but they’re haters and i don’t have time for haters. i didn’t die at the time, but perhaps could have.
so now, here i am, legs shoulder width apart, fly unzipped, pissing in the piss pipe and there’s a wasp. and i panic. clearly, i can not just pee on it to make it go away, so i yell for one of my employees in the walk in to give me something to kill it with and he hands me a cardboard redbull box and i hand it back to him and say “kill it!”. which is so mean, obviously.
in other news, i decided to take off a week from the gym. not because, as some say, i’m getting too big, but because my shoulder hurts and should probably be checked out by a doctor, but i think that just some time off will help. i have not taken a week off from the gym since our annual (except this year) trip to the beach last aug/sept.
and now i think i’m shrinking except i know i’m really not. it’s all mental. but i feel my muscles getting smaller every day and the week isn’t over and i fear that by next monday when i return to the gym i will be back down to a normal 175 lbs and not the 215 that i am now.
but i’ve found that i have a whole lot of free time when i take the gym out of my day. and i don’t know what to do with myself.
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