JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

the title above is in reference to the rather boxy lesbian pushing a dolly around the concourse of the Patriot Center last night, running people over.  and yes, i was at the dolly parton concert last night, and of course, she was fantastic, but i have to say this about concerts…sometimes, the most interesting thing going on, the most entertaining thing, is not necessarily up on stage.  sometimes it’s in the row in front of you, three seats over.

so there’s this girl, who at first i thought was like a mentally deficient woman-child, like Nell, or some role Rosie O’donnel would play in a lifetime movie.  and i decided that i hated her because she was just too into the concert.  but then i realized that she was only, in fact,  a very uncool seventh grader.  a very uncool seventh grader with the weathered face of a hard livin’ seventeen year old.

the reason that i thought she might be retarded was that she couldn’t clap in time to the music, but that didn’t stop her from attempting to do so very loudly.  and she would flip open her cell phone and wave it lighter style during slow songs, trying to get other people to do so, but most the people around her were like 80 years old and probably didn’t know what a cell phone was.  if you watch idol, she reminds me of those pretty thin girls they place place in the ‘pit’ to scream and wave their arms except she was neither thin nor pretty and if she even attempted to go to idol, they’d stuff her in the back, in the dark.  i’ve been to live tapings of tv shows.  that’s how it works.  pretty young people up front in case they get on camera, ugly, old and tourists in the back.  it’s a cruel world.  at least what i can tell from my seat up front.

so then, mikey and i were talking about her non-stop, imagining what her life may be like and we came up with this.  so she’s in 7th grade and bragged all day at school about going to see Dolly Parton and all the girls in her class either rolled their eyes, ignored her, or out right called her a fat fucking loser.  and the teacher may have shushed those girls, but probably not because she’s afraid of them.  and their parents.  and their money.   she probably plays with some of the third graders on her cul-de-sac becuase they in fact think she’s the bee knees  and knows all the good games to play in the yard.  plus, she’s kind of fat so therefor slow, and easy to catch in a game of hide and seek.

she probably has a really glittery myspace page with unicorns and butterflies and humongous pictures of Dolly–bitch knew every word to every song.  and she has lot’s of friends on her myspace page who are probably old pervy men who keep asking her to dress up like dolly parton and take pictures and post them on her myspace and she’s like, “you guys!”

but the thing is, going to see dolly parton is pretty cool…to me.  hell, i’ve seen her twice but i know how kids are today and they will rip her to shreds.  or not.  maybe she’s like a big bully actually and beats bitches up.