JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

y’all i’m going through some serious harry potter withdrawal. having finished the series for the second time and having exhausted my collection of movies to the point that the dvds have basically warped themselves in a suicidal attempt to get me to stop abusing them, i just don’t know what to do with myself. sure, i can read up on all the legal drama that JK Rowling is dealing with now or i can sit and wait for the new movie to come out in the fall…instead, i thought i might make a list of my top favorite characters from the entire series. so–oh, and i made some pictures to illustrate some of my thoughts on one or two of the characters. yeah…so i’ll start with number 10.

Ginny Weasley

I picked her cause because she became a terrible slut in book six and i love a big ol’ slut, and every time i see a red headed girl i can be like, oh hey there ginny weasley.

Lee Jordan

i don’t care too much for this extremely minor character, but let’s be honest, he was like the only black guy in the books (until Kingsley Shacklebolt), but in the movies, i couldn’t tell if Lee Jordan was a boy or a girl. i mean, in the book its a boy, but in the movies i’m convinced it’s a girl.

Lucius Malfoy

long, beautiful blond hair. should be in a garnier fructise ad with Sarah Jessica Parker. nuff said.

Luna Lovegood

girl is cuckoo for nargles. and i love a crazy bitch. plus her radish earings always remind me of Cotterpin Doozer from fraggle rock and that makes me happy. …uh because Doozers use radishes to make doozer sticks which the fraggles ate like all the time. duh.

Mrs. Weasley

how can you not like her. she’s like the cool magical mom we all never had. and after all those weasley babies, it takes a wand to clean up that swinging saloon door of a vagina.

Teddy Lupin

son of (now deceased) Remus and Tonks, he is going to be one cool technicolor werewolf. i’m so jealous. if there is ever a continuation of the story, i think he would be a great character to focus on.

Pansy Parkinson

um, she’s like that slytherin slut who was always hanging around draco, crabbe and goyle. and every time i picture her, i think of… sort of like a cross between Millie, my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher, and a potato with one tooth.

Tie: Dobby and Aunt Petunia

i have them tied in third place because Dobby is the only character over whose death i may have shed a tear. may. not Sirius, Dumbledore, not that Weasley twin, and certainly not Colin Creevey. in fact, i’m glad he’s dead. he annoyed me so much. and i think Aunt Petunia is one of the most interesting characters in the books and i would like to read more about her.

Bellatrix Lestrange

i have a huge soft spot for goth bitches. i LOVE her.

and finally…

Hermione Granger

yes, neither Ron nor Harry are on my list. i just think there are more interesting characters. and i’ve loved hermione since the beginning. i’m trying to build a case that the books are actually all about her and how harry couldn’t do anything if it wasn’t for her skills. seriously, she’s smarter, braver, more level headed, shows more heart and loyalty…although i would have liked to see her battle it to the death with Bellatrix…because like, hermione is smarter and a more talented wizard than harry and Bellatrix is a bazillion times more of a psycho than Voldemort and i think that would have been an awesome battle.