imho
after getting my car washed today down in alexandria, i needed a break from the awful drivers on route one, so i veered off into the target parking lot since i needed to run some errands anyway. and i’m browsing the toy aisle, glancing quickly at the Dancing With the Stars game for the Wii–which i did not buy–when i realized that i had just finished my Chelsea Handler book, and, mark my words, she will be my new best friend by christmas, and decided that i needed another book. now target is not exactly the best place to find good literature, but sometimes you can find a best seller or a dumb beach read which is what i was in the mood for.
so i’m scanning the shelves and i pick up a book called The Host…which sounds fun and dumb and scary and i think i have seen the title on the best sellers list and it’s about vampires. i just finished another book about vampires a couple weeks ago and it is my ultimate dream to become one so i thought about buying it when this girl, who was next to me looking at the latest Janet Evanovich selection, sighs, and says “oh, not that one! don’t get that!”
have you read it, i ask.
“not that one, but i’ve read others by _____ and they were terrible, an absolute destruction of the english language.”
all the while i’m eye balling that pulitzer prize winner in her hands.
oh. well, ok, i say. thanks.
“hey, don’t get me wrong!” she says, “i love vampire books, but she’s a terrible author.”
and it got me thinking, was that rude? i mean, clearly if i was looking for the next great american novel to read, i certainly wouldn’t have been at target with a sonic care toothbrush replacement, laundry detergent and self tanner in my little basket. at the same time, how far can we go in situations like these? i mean, there are plenty of times im out shopping and would like to offer my opinion about what i see people picking up or trying on.
oh no, don’t buy that blouse. it makes you look pregnant. and green really isn’t your color. don’t get me wrong, i love a good peasant blouse…
oh you wouldn’t like that deli turkey meat. try oscar meyer.
or in line at the movies:
you know, i see you’re looking at You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. but on my imdb. com message boards they’re saying it’s the worst adam sandler movie. ever. i think Iron Man might be a better choice for you. well, no, i haven’t seen it, but that doesn’t stop me from giving out my opinion on it. well, you don’t have to get angry. i’m just trying to help!
excuse me, ma’am. if you buy that fabric softener, you’ll be killing the environment. no, ma’am even the smallest choices can make the biggest difference. well, aren’t you worried your children won’t have a planet to raise their kids on?
or at the bar:
a vodka cranberry? oh, i don’t think you’ll like vodka. how about some nice gin?
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