JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

i went to the dentist today at 8:15 because i couldn’t remember if my appointment was really at 930 or if when they called yesterday and left a message they asked if i could come in earlier or if when they called yesterday they told me to come in earlier so i figure, what the hell, so i left at 730 this morning and headed on down to the ‘bridge.

for the last 15 or so years, Sue has cleaned my teeth.  i like Sue.  over the years, we’ve shared many laughs and stories about our lives, more so her sharing with me as i have her hands in my mouth so i hardly get a word in edgewise, but sometimes when i call to make an appointment, we like to catch up and i probably tell her stuff that no one else knows.   except in 15 years she has not clued into the fact that i’m gay.  it’s not that i feel i can’t mention it, i just think after all these years she’s imagined me as a swinging bachelor party boy who runs a bar and since i never mention a steady girl, probably taking a different one home every night.  maybe she imagines herself as one of those girl.

oh.  Sue is not the dental hygenist i have a crush on.  we’ll get to that little dish in a minute.  Sue looks like one of those women who has weathered many a stormy battle.  hell, it looks like hurrican ike made landfall directly on her face.  she has that weathered, leathery look of someone who has…oh i don’t know…worked the fields their whole life.

sometimes, i think, when she’s supposed to be polishing my teeth and flossing them before the real dentist examines me, and she’s talking to me about her son and oxicotin and the weather in stafford county, sue is a little rough.  i know she’s “just really trying to get in there” but when i can taste blood…i mean, i take good care of my teeth but i think she is mistaking floss for a jigsaw and it hurts and it makes me long for, just once, a different hygenist.  i mean, couldn’t one of the receptionists come in and take a stab at it?

so while there was no traffic for my trip down 95, coming north–from stafford–was a different story, obviously it being morning rushhour and people from as far away as stafford and fredrickburgs and clogging the interstate trying to get to work on time up closer to the city.  i was early.  and sue was late.  uh oh.

the receptionist actually did my x-rays and i wasn’t sure if she’d ever done it before but how hard can it be to lay a lead smock on someone, say “bite down on this” and then aim that machine at their jaw.  and just as she was readying the tooth polisher (she wasn’t seriously going to clean my teeth, was she?) i hear the door open and someone yells “i’m here, i’m here!”

but it wasn’t the gravelly, whiskey soaked voice of Sue.  this, this was like…cinderella…or well, not quite snow white cause her voice was kind of ridiculous…but it was nevertheless very Disney Princess-y.

oh alison.

with your pretty blonde hair in a loose pony on the top of your head.  she would take over.   she used the mint toothpaste instead of that awful, gag inducing bubblegum shit that sue forces on me.  i mention this to her and she replies, “well, i think the mint just tastes so much better and i try to make my patients as comfortable as possible.”

sigh.  i love you.   sue doesn’t do that.  every six months:  bubble gum flavored toothpaste that doesn’t actually taste like bubble gum.  then, alison began to floss my teeth, just oh so gently and since my lower and upper molars are a bit tight (not in need of braces tight mind you) she even warns me that “this might hurt juuuuuuust a little”.  and you know what?  it never did.

this trip was such a nice change, fun even.  it’s like hanging out with the coolest baby sitter in the world!  you know, the one that let you watch scary movies and eat junkfood and then later, when you refused to go to bed because you were scared shitless, would let you stay up all night.

so then Dr. comes in to examine my teeth and he is not happy.  no, no cavities.  not one yet in my entire life.  my teeth are nice and straight and well taken care of, but he claims that i’ve been slacking on my gums, saying that my flossing is not as spectacular as he’s come to expect from me.  i was mortified.  i floss, if not every day, then damn well near it and i think i do a good job…but i’m not a dentist and i’m assuming he knows what he’s talking about.  after all, he has two boats, a house by the lake, a home in georgetown and a BMW.  someone is paying this guy to know what he’s talking about.  but he and i get along usually and he asks me about weight lifting and the bar and my family, but i don’t care about any of that today becuase one, he’s totally embarrassing me in front of alison, a newbie when it comes to cleaning my teeth and lord, what she must think of me now!  and two, he said he gives me “eh, about a C+” on my flossing, not that we get actual grades, but he always tells me that i do an A+ job.  and now, i’m a C student.  in front of alison.  who just met me and my teeth for the first time.

so i say “aw, you’re making me awful!” and pouted just a litte.   because he did.  i hate to disappoint people and i’m clearly disappointing him with my ability to floss correctly.

and then alison goes, cause she’s standing nearby in the examining room going over my chart or something, “aw.  too cute!”

which probably meant, i’m on to you, you muscley gay guy, you might have fooled  ol’ sue, but not me!

speaking of sue…just as i finished up and alison handed me a bag full of toothbrushes and toothpaste and extra floss (i noticed three things of floss, instead of the normal one of each that sue gives me.  alison, you spoil me so), i bound out the door eager to run over to my old haunt, the silver diner, for some breakfast or at the very least a cup of coffee to kill time seeing as it was still rush hour and i didn’t want to wait in traffic…hm.  where was i going with this…oh yes, on my way out, sue has finally arrived for work (an hour late thanks to that awful traffic coming out of stafford) and we chat for a bit and she asked if alison took care of me and i said, yes, yes she did.