homophobe’s revenge
the compensation (reward, that is) for the pain and suffering i developed after my horrific gay bashing at the Harris Teeter–er, i mean, after i over heard some foul mouthed kids NOT direct derogatory remarks my way, and yet, still i chose to tell on them (hence the reward) arrives at a grand total of $50 dollars in Harris Teeter gift cards. but oh, wait. pop quiz:
How was said amount doled out? Was it:
a.) one fifty dollar gift card (obviously the easiest way to do things)
b.) two twenty-five dollar gift cards (which wouldn’t be so bad)
c.) five ten dollar gift cards (we’re pushing it here)
or is it d.) ten five dollar gift cards.
seriously, they might as well have given me fifty one dollar gift cards because….
these cards don’t just scan like my VIC card does. oh no. you have to swipe it, agree to the amount, press ‘yes’, then wait for the price to adjust, then swipe the next card, agree to the amount, press ‘yes’, wait for the new amount. so i had to do that not TEN times, but actually ELEVEN times because i also had a $25 dollar gift card i received for being a frequent customer. i was almost going to just pay for them with one swipe of my check card because i don’t have time for this shit. oh my god, that’s another +1!!!!! my check card! TWELVE TIMES!
Had i known that this is how i would have had to pay for my groceries this week, i would rather have just let those kids get on the intercom and call the entire store a bunch of faggots. i was at that check out lane for oh, i don’t know, three days. and i don’t know how many trees i killed so my 8 foot long receipt could be printed out, but this weekend, the first thing i’m going to do is go plant a tree somewhere to replace the one i killed.
i guess i shouldn’t really complain. free groceries are free groceries, but i think, since the manager and i are now close friends, i’m going to call him and tell him that next time he wants to give me gift cards, i will only accept them in the amount of 25 or more.
i really should have my own reality show. here’s more proof of this:
a coworker of mine and his boyfriend have two seemingly high strung chee-wa-was (you read it, that’s how i spell it.) and they recommended a product to me called…ugh, wait, i have to go into the kitchen to look…Dogswell Chicken Breasts, which are essentially dried chicken tenders that look like anything you might find hanging in a doorway of some chinese grocery store in Manhattan. basically they look disgusting. but the pooch loves ‘em and the first variety i purchased was “Vitality” with Flaxseed and Vitamins to help maintain eyes, skin and coat. and she loves them, she really does. i say “Delia! You want a chicken wing?!” and she gets all excited and gets to eat a piece of dried chicken breast instead of finding a chicken wing bone out on the sidewalk during one of our walks because those fucking cabbies sit on my streets and eat Popeye’s chicken and toss the bones on the sidewalk. i live relatively close to Chicken Alley (the Popeye’s drive through that dumps out on Vermont Ave. behind my building). i fuckin’ hate that Popeyes.
so, at the Harris Teeter this afternoon, i checked out the other varieties they offered and came across this…”Mellow Mutt” with Chamomile and Lavender to help maintain a peaceful life. look, i don’t know what kind of hippy shit company this has turned out to be (on the plus side, they use cage free chickens), but if they can get my dog to chill the fuck out with a chicken strip, i’ll try it.
here’s a big ‘fuck you’ to those cabbies and their damn chicken wings:
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