JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

i tend to believe that the internet is filled with pedophiles and crazies.  in fact, i’m pretty sure that’s all that’s out there.  i’ve seen To Catch a Predator.  that’s why i don’t do chat rooms and am drifting away from social networking sites (let’s be honest, those are all a bunch of crazies too–or 16 year olds from fairfax who just want me to add them as my friend.  and we all know that’s NBC trying to catch predators.  so, sorry kid, delete.  denied.)

in fact, i think i actually only instant message with two people:  mikey and brett.   and sometimes clay.  but that’s it.  i don’t trust anyone on the internet.

so imagine my fear, then, when mikey wants to install a wireless router so we can gain internet access through our wii so we can play people all over the world.   you literally super smash bros. brawl with people all over the world.  and these are the kinds of people i think that we’re playing against when we play:

–a young asian tween kid who knows far more about computers than i could ever learn in my lifetime.   and he’s good.  he knows all the secrets to every game invented and he purposely performs fancy maneuvers that leave me completely flabbergasted.  and he kicks my ass every time i play.

–some gross old pervert man who thinks he’s playing a young asian tween kid (when he’s really playing against me and i’m certainly not his type) who hopes that this simulated online “wrestling” will  develop into something far more meaningful (i think you can message people through their wii machines, but i’m not sure.  some one wii’d us a couple days ago while playing and i got scared) so he’s biding his time playing mario vs. link until he can woo Ling Wu away from his Wii and touch his wii wii.  oh, and the pedophile kicks my ass every time.  i mean, seriously, he’s really patiently waiting, so he gets a lot of practice in.

–a nine year old white girl from the chicago ‘burbs who plays as Sonic the Hedgehog and singles out one other player every time (me, of course) and basically Wii-rapes me during every match.  seriously, these gamers are good.  and i just don’t compare…as competitive as i am, i’m lucky if i finish third out of four brawlers.

–or it’s like some frat party group thing and everyone at the party is making fun of me (playing as Kirby) because i have terrible aim and i tend to fall off ledges and die.   a lot.

mikey, on the other hand, does very well playing as Princess Peach (and ONLY princess peach which gets very annoying)…which makes me think that when he plays, do other people assume he’s that 9 year old suburban white girl kicking ass because, really, who else would play only as Peach, all the time?  certainly not some muscley gay guy.   okay, fine, that’s quite possible.