JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

about five years ago–i believe it was Dec 2003–i met eliza (you can click on her blog in my “friends” column) at Legally Fawn’s office Christmas party in los angeles, and even though it was just over a couple hours of hanging out and, more importantly, drinking, we became fast friends.  besides, any friend of legally fawn’s is a friend of mine…unless she’s dead behind the eyes.  then no.

so, we’ve kept in touch over the years through emails and blogs, and legally fawn of course, since we have drinking and celebrity culture and gossip girl in common.  last month, or was it this month?  i get an email from eliza saying that she quit her job and decided to come to dc for the weekend since she’s never been and she loves politics.  so i said come on down.

older and wiser, yet thirstier and hungrier, we ventured out all weekend–save for my miserable half hour at the Sugarland concert–we shopped, drank, ATE, drank, ATE AGAIN.  man, we ate a lot.  so saturday night, mikey and i meet eliza at the Helix Hotel where she’s staying and even though she was wearing 9 in. stilletos, we force her to walk a mile to St. Ex for dinner where the following happened:

it was such a beautiful night that we of course wanted to sit outside as 14th st on a friday night is great for people watching so we put our name (rather my name as this will come in to play later) on the list and the hipster hostess informs us that it will be about ten minutes as one table just got their check and should be leaving soon.  cool.

20-25 minutes later and sucking on ice, i venture out to the hipster hostess and ask if that table had paid and left because there’s nothing worse than campers.  and she says oh, it looks like they’re leaving now, just a few more minutes even though i can see a full bottle of wine at their table and they are clearly campers.  so i go back in to relay the message to mikey and eliza.

suddenly, hipster hostess comes running in the door and asks me point blank: “Are you Matt or Julie?”

and i thought hipster were supposed to be smart.  so i have now adopted the named Julie. oh, and then! hipster hostess comes and seats us at some other table that was probably empty for hours.

post dinner clizzay meets up with us and we venture over to halo to visit timtation and he’s bartending upstairs at their newly renovated upstairs bar…which now, and as a professional interior designer, i can say this–looks completely dated and fuckin’ ugly.  the bar itself is a retarded mess of drink spilling curves and i don’t know what asshole thought this concept looked good.

more importantly though we were getting a good buzz on and thought there might be a good crowd back at Helix (the hotel) cause they kind of have a cool lounge and sometimes it’s kind of a cool place to hang out.  plus eliza could change into more sensible heels.   so we get there and we’re at the bar trying to get a drink and over to the left is a group of gays and girls huddled at a table and then to our right is an asian wedding party (and i had to rope clay in and tell him not to ruin her wedding day) and the bride looked miserable though her dress looked gorgeous.  i would probably be miserable too if the post reception party was at the helix hotel where, i’m assuming, many of the guests stayed.

anyway, most importantly, at the bar there were two women.  name Tee and J.   well, one i knew for sure was a woman because, even though she looked like serena williams, i could still tell she was a woman.  the other woman, may have been a man, or a tranny or neither or a martian.  i don’t know.  she looked like dionne farris except with less make up and vocal ability. but they were very nice and they tolerated clay’s kind of  racial shenanigans (”i thought you were going to rob me”)…but they were cool and offered to take me and mikey to the shooting range to shoot guns.

so once bored of helix i invite everyone over to the mothership (er, uh, jrs) and then extend the invitation over to Tee and J who protest, but then i say, oh we’ll be drinking for free…and then they were like, oh ok.   so Tee and J walked with the few blocks over to jrs where we talked more about our trip to the gun range and clay through out a couple more racial slurs for good measure.

i’m still waiting to go to the shooting range.  seriously, J has my number.  bitch better call me.