JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

so i had received two free tix to the nat’s game on sunday.  the perks that came with these tix included:  four free miller lites, admittance into the miller lite beerpen on the scoreboard walk, 15 dollars in nat’s bucks (for food).  what i got was:  three free miller lights, admittance into a scorching roped off area of concrete, and ten dollars in nat’s bucks.  not sure where all the lies came from, but i took the bait and now i must deal with the consequences. 

which are:

i have had only one other visit to the ball park, and aside from the concrete-ness of the new stadium and very little greenery save for the actual field, it’s a nice stadium, but i had a rather heated encounter with one of the conession stands.  an hour long wait, absolutely horrible service, they ran out of everything by the 4th inning but failed to tell those of us waiting in line.  it basically ruined the day for me. 

and so i thought this time may be different…hell, it’s all free, so what do i care? 

i was starving upon my arrival at the park and so i grab my ten nat’s bucks and head to one of the grills just down from the scoreboard walk miller lite beer pen and order a grilled chicken breast sandwich, which was neither grilled nor a breast and let me explain just how they construct my sandwhich.  first, the (friendly, albeit slow) lady behind the counter piles a bunch of fries in my basket, a virtual overflowing bounty of grease and potato.  then, on top of that, she put one half of the bun and piles on the chunks of what appear to be steamed chicken.  which she then spills onto the counter and i saw her pause for a moment, wondering if it might be okay to just pile it back on.  she didn’t.  a manager must have been around or something because i’m sure my careful observing eye didn’t matter to her.  so she piles more steamed chicken chunks on the bottom half of the bun and throws on a piece of lettuce and some onions and then oh so carefully hands it back to me.  i go to pay my seven dollars using my nat’s bucks and the idiot kid at the register informs me that since i gave him ten nat’s bucks (two fivers), and my meal only cost seven i will not be receiving any change. 

and i say “that’s fine but you can give me three nat’s bucks from the pile in front of you”

and he says, “no, you can use this but you don’t get change back–its says right here” and he points to the fine print and uses his finger so i can follow along as he reads, “can not be redeemed for cash, no cash change will be given.”

and i say, “oh, i understand, i’m not asking for cash.  but you can give me three nat’s bucks from that pile in front of you.”

and he says, “no, i can’t give you cash cause it says “no cash change…”

and i say, “i’m not retarded, if i gave you ten nat’s bucks, and my sandwich cost seven, then you can give me three of those single nat’s bucks in front of you, i can see them right there, back to me because…10 minus…7…is…three.”

i take my precariously-piled-high sandwich to the condiment counter where i discover that there is no mayonaise anywhere in the ball park.  i ask three different concessions workers and not one can locate a packet of fuckin’ mayo.  “oh, i’m sure it’s somewhere in this park!  just not here!”  says one of them, who actually was nice enough to ask “how may i help you” instead of “whatchoowont?”  so somewhere in the ballpark is a hidden packet of mayo. 

but i can’t eat a dry sandwich so ketchup will do and i think i know how to work those ketchup dispensers.  so there i go, push the lever down and –  a fuckin’ lazer beam of ketchup hits my chicken chunks and knocks them onto the condiment counter. 

my basket goes into the nearest trash and i head over to the miller lite beerpen to announce that i am leaving because i fuckin’ hate this poorly run park.  people calm me down and we laugh about my bad luck with the food here and that makes me feel better (that and a couple of miller lites), so i say, “you know what, i’m just going to use my own money to get a pizza from over there” and so i go try to get a pizza and the two pizzas they have out look like they’ve been sitting out in the sun for three days.  so i say “hi!  do you guys have any fresh pizzas?”

and they say “no, das all we got”

and i say “well, those look kind of like they’ve been sitting around a bit.  i can wait for a fresh one, i don’t mind” i even said that with a smile.  i know!  i fuckin’ smiled at the sonofbitch and not in a mean way either which is what you’re probably thinking. 

and they say, “we can’t do dat, cause who gon’ eat dis one?”

seriously, i’m never going back.