JustMattHenry.com: gossip, life and humor

this is what happens when a motorcycle runs a red a light at a high speed and hits your car:

my first concern was making sure the cyclist was alright. i knew i was fine. i didn’t yet know the damage to my car. all i remember is he hit me so hard, my car fishtailed into the left lane, i straightened out, threw on my blinkers and pulled over. i honestly had know idea what hit me, but i knew that my light was green. that i was sure of. luckily two cabbies that were stopped as they should be witnessed and confirmed the whole thing for us. my first concern getting out of the car was that the cyclist was alright. i didn’t look at my car; i felt fine; and i wanted to make sure he was alright. he’ll be fine. i called 911 and a fire truck came although i also requested an ambulance just in case. cops came.

i can’t sleep now because this throws a HUGE wrench into everything: vacation, school starting again. i know my car is not drivable although i did drive it home. this happened at 15th and P, a block or so away from home. the rear wheel is completely messed up and the alignment is WAY off. and my taillight looks like Wall e when his eye ball falls out.

the police report filed, insurance called, the gears are turning.

i was listening to toby keith when he hit me. he wasn’t drunk. i don’t know what happened. his brakes may have failed. he just might not have been paying attention. it could have been worse. he was riding a Ducati. that really means nothing to me.

so after the fire engine and ambulance depart, one of them kicks up a piece of debris that hits me in the face and cuts open the bridge of my nose. i’m fine, but the officer was like where’d that blood come from (which was all over my shirt) and i told him and he said he’d get to the bottom of it. i said it was an accident and that i was fine but that my modeling career was over. he was not amused.

so now, vacation is up in the air. but i really need it to start now.

my trip to houston was specifically to see my dear friend Legally Fawn and her husband Legally Matt. they just happen to live in houston. i’ve never been save for driving past it one day in 1999 on my way out to L.A. and i remember thinking “ew. gross.” but then, that was just my initial view…through a very very bad hangover haze after leaving New Orleans. so i’m all for second chances when it comes to places–except Atlantic City.

off the plane and on the highway! houston is really spread out. and almost everything is concrete. i love skylines though.

i assumed everyone would be driving this and wearing confederate flag capes and carrying shotguns, but they weren’t. houstonians can’t drive though. Legally Fawn repeatedly pointed that out to me until i was able to spot their shenanigans on my own. it’s like driving in maryland.

my official first meal: shrimp tacos and taquitos…which, in the picture, have all been eaten. we ate A LOT on this trip because Legally Fawn is preggers and i’m disgusting.

oh my flight out there. i like to sit in the exit rows because one, should there be an emergency, i get out first, and two, there’s always more room. so on my connecting flight to charlotte, i sat next to precious jones who told me “i will rescue every mutha on this plane if it mean i get mo leg room”. i liked her.

my accommodations at The Legal Residence included in house entertainment in the form of my new roommates Oscar and Felix:

normally i’m allergic to cats, but i found that my sinuses were pretty much okay with these two little boo kitties. as long as i washed my hands after playing with them, i was fine. however, as i learned early, not doing so and then touching anywhere near my face resulted in itchy watery red eyes that made me look like a sad pot head.

my new house:

some of the older neighborhoods in houston reminded me of savannah, with long limbed trees reaching out over the streets and picturesque bungalows. my only complaint is that often next to these beautiful homes would be a new modern mansion too big for the lot and just out of place on the block. apparently there are no zoning regulations, so i’m assuming that when i buy this house, i can build a gas station on the lot next door.

everything really is bigger in texas, including the grocery stores. this place, whose name i can’t recall, made Wholefoods look like a 7-11. this was amazing, words really can’t describe the enormity of this place.

Legally Fawn referred to this as Potato Row, but ‘row’ does not do this justice. this was like Potato Planet.

my first dinner with the Legals was at this joint called Dolce Vida. i had some sort of pasta dish with pancetta and it was delish. very texas. actually it was the perfect antidote to the tex mex still simmering in my stomach from lunch.

ps i’m pretty sure tyra banks was sitting at the table next to ours and i managed to stare at her the entire time i was eating. it might not have been really but i’m almost positive. i mean, why wouldn’t tyra banks be eating at an italian restaurant in the gay area of houston texas?

after dinner, we just went home for drinks and television. perrier for the pregnant lady of course. the next morning, it was off to breakfast at a local bakery where i was informed that many of the employees had that “hard life” look about them. and it’s true. the woman who took our order looked straight out of a prison work release program. you know, where they can leave prison for a supervised shift at the local bakery. legally fawn asked about the soup special, avocado cucumber, and the woman, very much like Rainman, told us, “oh, it’s creamy. it’s really creamy. it’s too creamy. yeah, too creamy.” but is it creamy?

Legally Matt basically had to work all weekend and of course in my head, a scene unfolds not unlike the one in Clueless where all the young lawyers and Josh are high lighting information on printouts and Cher comes in to help but messes up and one of the bitchy lawyers yells at her and tells her to go to back to the mall. and then josh says “hey! she’s just a kid!” but then he ends up dating her. so that’s what i’m assuming Legally Matt’s weekend was like.

so Legally P. (is for Pregnant) Fawn and i go shopping and eating some more. since we’d just eaten breakfast it was now time for lunch and we hit this cute little burger joint that i will name my next dog after just because it’s so cute:

they were so cute i didn’t want to eat them, but then i felt bad that they wouldn’t fulfill their burger destiny so i ate them.

after lunch, but before our midday snack, it was off to buy some western wow wear! this is literally what i’d been waiting for the entire trip. so we hit this joint:

this, seriously, is the abercrombie of houston texas because you can not see in the windows or the front door, which is exactly what abercrombie does, forcing you to go in and look around. there’s no window shopping with this place.

and just like abercrombie i’m assuming their target audience is the gays:

based on this picture hanging by the dressing room anyway. i feel like he just asked some snooty sales girl “you work on commission, right? big mistake. huge. i have to go shopping now”.

i sort of felt bad at first because i think maybe the owner or the manager thought we were in there as a joke…because we sort of were, but i found some cool stuff. i bought authentic wrangler jeans and a cowhide belt that is bedazzled to within an inch of its life. i bought mikey a t-shirt that has a picture of a cowboy standing next to his horse, looking rather forlorn, with the caption “Thank You Jesus”. i have no idea what it means. i don’t know if the horse is jesus or what. but it was funny so i bought it. i also kind liked a lot of their button down shirts, but didn’t want to spend too much money. i wonder if they are online.

bye bye Boot City!!!

after spending all that time shopping and eating, Legally P. Fawn and i decide to head to her pool. and suddenly we were surrounded by real texans. Legally P. Fawn is from Chicago and i had yet to see any really stereotypical texans…until we went to the pool. but these weren’t like cowboys or anything, these were…well, the picture speaks for itself:

now, this was some serious texas stew and it was all i could do to get a picture of all 18 of them in the hot tub that wasn’t really a hot tub. they were like the jersey shore of texas. they are the kind of beefy douchebags and slutty whores you find on MTVs Spring Break at South Padre Island. they were drinking miller light out of cans and listening to garth brooks, etc…until…the gay club music came on (which was weird) and then it went back to modern country. i’m pretty sure one of them drives that truck above. and i wanted to be their friend but was scared they might tie me behind that pick up and cruise around town for a while.

so this night, we had tickets to see Lady Gaga downtown, so we got all dressed up in some country bling:

these wranglers make me look like i have zero ass which we know isn’t the case…but i think my arms look amazing.

then it was off for more authentic texan cuisine:

and here is Legally P. Fawn and i in the car on our way to the concert. girl, put your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road!!!

and i’m going to end right here before the concert because one, i’m tired and two, i have some things to say about the show and i need to organize my thought real good.

so i’m back from houston and am working on a picture recap of my weekend…there will be lots of photos of food, texas stereotypes, a gay cowboy and some lady gaga.and potatoes.

At the airport listening to Whitney Houston on my way to Houston

so with our upcoming vacation to maine, i decided that i would need to purchase a back pack for all our fun day trips hiking boating and eating. it was either this or a fanny pack and i’m about the age where i just don’t give a fuck about what people think about fanny packs, but there was a little slice of me that thought i really don’t need to accent body parts that don’t need accentuating.

so i got this cute little backpack from LL Bean. i’m in love with it. it’s so cute and it makes my chest look great. i can’t wait to wear it everywhere like a little kid who refuses to take off his halloween costume.

me + backpack+ iphone =

my friend ashley is the first person i befriended on the AU campus. last summer we were both trying to find our classroom but seemed to be having a hard time of it. joining forces, we were still long in finding the classroom, but became instant friends. out of all the people i’ve met, she, so far, is the only one to go from school friend to friend friend.

so she invited me and mikey to her housewarming party up on the roof of her new apartment building just across from the woodley metro stop. mikey at first did not want to go. in the car he did not want to go. on the street he did not want to go. he basically suffered an anxiety attack over this even though this was his age bracket, not mine. as we crossed the street to the building, we sort of merged with some douchey straight people who were clearly also going to a party.

quote mikey: ‘oh god, i hope they aren’t going to the same party’

i get it. ashley is young, about 25, and while she may not be, i’m sure many of her friends are in that post college/still in college social scene where they drink natty lite and go out in adams morgan. and these people were going to the same party. they carried random cans of natty lite and beast in plastic bags as if they just grabbed a handful from their beer fridge that sits to the left of the couch and serves as an end table or sits under their loft bed and is used as a desk.

but the party was fun and the apartment looked great. ashley hanged with us the whole time as if she was relieved that she no longer had to hang with some of the uh characters already there: first there was law school prep who dropped the words “law school” every chance he got though i’m not sure if he was actually in law school yet. and he looked gay. then there was hippy neighbor who came over, introduced himself and then abruptly walked away. there was roommate carly who will forever be referred to as icarly and was pretty cool. she even had her own mini-me who i thought was maybe her sister, but turns out it was just a smaller genetic replica of icarly. then there was “brian with a y” who was not unlike the character of Duckie from Pretty in Pink. he seemed so desperately into ashley but gay at the same time. and he kept talking about his columbian girlfriend and the major heartache she caused him and now he “can identify with Captain Ahab from Moby Dick”. or something. he said it not me, but i played along. he liked to start conversations like “everyone should tell about their favorite book they’ve read this year and we’ll go in a circle!” if it was any topic other than books i’d probably kill him.

my new favorite drink is the Pink Panty Dropper and it’s made with cheap vodka, cheap beer and lemonade. mixed.

oh and one guy described something that made him happy as a “clit tickler”.

sometimes i discover that i have a few under the radar artists that i don’t realize how much i like them until i notice how many times i play their one or two hits. kat de luna is one of them. she sort of looks like snookie from jersey shore, but she sure can sing a catchy song. this is her latest…

between this and “unstoppable”–which i like to sing as “a soccer ball”…i’ve decided i’m a fan.

my iphone was delivered on monday. i must say that 2005 looks pretty good from here. i know i’m late on the bandwagon, but i didn’t really need on until both my phone and my ipod quit this bitch. at this rate, next thing i know, i’ll be shopping around for a dvd player.

things i like about the new phone:

while i could access email on my old one, it was not easy and not very readable. so that’s nice. and i like that i don’t have to carry around both my ipod and phone. i like that i can access my google reader and actually read on the screen.

things i’m pretty sure i will never use on my iphone:

look, i browsed some of the free apps (don’t think i would ever pay for one), but i can’t honestly see myself needing or using any of them. maybe in the future, once i’m in the classroom, they could be a really cool tool to use, but for now, i’m just happy that i have a phone and music.

still don’t get reception in my condo though.

stop using the phrase “song of the summer”stop making group videos where in you lip synch to said “song of the summer” in nothing but your skin and bones and square cut swim suits.  yes, old pervert gays love watching you and your prepubescent bodies, but to the rest of us…well, you just make us all look bad.